Editor’s Note: the following comments come from two Ask Dr. Neimeyer Q&As:
LT: I wish I could help everyone because that is my nature. But I am feeling the same after losing my husband of 37 1/2 years. I can’t feel better because he’s not here. I don’t want anyone to tell me it will get better. It doesn’t. Life drags on without him and his perpetual silliness and devotion.
ST: We were together 50 years. He was a special person, as anyone who knew him would tell you. We were “different” from average people. We had a very deep bond. We were always together. He was also my only friend. I never realized that he was the one who made my life worth living.
Worse yet, I blame myself for his dying because I know there were many times when I should have called the doctor, like when he stopped eating. He would still be alive if I had done so. I can’t explain why I didn’t do what I should have.
My world is all black. Plus, he had no insurance and I can barely scrap by with the little I have been left. We were planning to leave this awful place I am now condemned to live in. He took my life with him. There is nothing left.
And to those people who say it gets better, well in my case it doesn’t. Each day is worse than the one before. I am as alone as a person could be. The silence is deafening.
RC: My husband died this morning after a heart stent was put in. I know that he was in his late 80s and I should have been better prepared, but I ache so much, especially his not arriving home this evening. We were married 32 years and our lives were so comingled. I cannot even begin to express how anxious I feel this evening. In my eighties also, I feel like a frightened terrified child. Thanks for listening.
CF: I agree that it is cruel to be left behind. My husband died 3 years ago suddenly of a heart condition. We didn’t know he had a heart problem. Over time you learn to live with the pain. Over time you learn ways to handle each alone day. I feel that life cheated me. Our children are adults with their own families. This was going to be our time together enjoying our own interests, being more active in church, etc. Instead I am trying to find a new path, looking for a place I belong with others. Being busy isn’t the answer. It is more than that, deeper, and harder. Thankfully, I have Jesus, the bible, and prayer. That is what keeps me going every day.
AM: I lost my husband last year in May due to covid no symptoms. We were into same profession now I alone is looking after this. I also have 3 adolescent children all are unsettled
Life has taken U turn
But I believe in fake till you make. So don’t show your grief to anyone
This is not the end of life Maybe its a new beginning. Be positive. No
Body can understand so why should we show our weak point to others. From.last 2-3 days I am not able to sleep . But nobody will understand. So talking to you
Take care every day is not same.
LR: It will be 2yrs in July since my husband of 27 years passed. I still wake up every morning in disbelief. He passed of medical negligence when in the hospital for a fall. He was very early 50s. I didn’t get to see him because he was in a different state. By the time I got to the hospital I was too late. The Dr told me the news over the phone. I’m so lost without him. I can still hear his voice and know exactly what he would say. He was truly my soulmate and my best friend. Don’t know how the live without him. I just want to be at peace with my husband again. We have 2 boys, and he was an amazing father. Some days I pretend it never happened and he’s still home. Then reality hits home and I’m crushed all over again.