Dear Dr. Neimeyer,
My husband died in November. He was in his early 40s. We were together nearly 25 years; he was my other half. We did everything together. It is so hard for me. All I do is cry. I know that’s not going to bring him back but I’m so heartbroken. It is like I’m dying inside. Each day I talk to him and I get goose bumps on my right arm and my hand gets numb. Is that a sign? Is it true that they come to you? I just wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. How can I live without him? It’s killing me.
Netta
Dear Netta,
Although we live in a culture that emphasizes individualism, the reality is that we are wired for attachment. As the feeling of yearning that you express poignantly conveys, we need others—and particularly a few “special” others—to feel whole. This is why one common feature of profound grief is the sense that a part of ourselves has died; in a psychologically real sense, it has. To lose a partner so early in life reduces us, and even our earnest attempts to retain a connection to him or her can feel like a pallid alternative to the gift of our loved one’s full presence. Learning to live with this very present absence often requires a considerable effort over time.
For all of these reasons, intense grief alone is not something pathological, something to be worried about. Certainly missing our deceased loved ones keenly and experiencing tearfulness when we think about them is common early in mourning, and probably occurs in proportion to our love. But as you move into your 7th or 8th month of bereavement, if you find that the tears are a constant companion and that pleasure is a stranger, if you seem to have lost touch with the uniquely valuable aspects of yourself, if you find yourself cutting off from others and having trouble functioning at home or at work, and especially if things seem to be getting worse rather than better, then consciously taking steps to reclaim your life may be in order.
So, what to do if this description seems to fit? One thing is to follow your instincts to talk with your husband, not only about your missing him—though that surely would be part of it—but also to share the highlights of your day, discuss your plans for the week, or solicit his advice about an important decision you are facing. AfterTalk can provide a portal for just this sort of communication: messages that affirm life as well as loss. Just as a weekly phone call to a parent or child living in another state naturally would include conversations about interesting and important updates on your activities, so too can a written letter to your husband continue to include him as an audience to your life in a way he might appreciate, not only in a way that would cause him concern. Your letter even suggests that you believe he may have a spiritual presence in your life, missing you in return. If so, you might sit quietly for a moment after writing and re-reading your letter, and try to sense what his response might be. Giving it voice in a letter written back to yourself can help strengthen your bond, and perhaps even offer you helpful advice and encouragement on setting aside your grief at times in order to reengage other people and projects. Though it is not a panacea for the pain of loss, reaffirming a living bond as a part—though not the entirety—of life can help ensure that the second six months after the loss is not merely a darker version of the first.
Dr. Neimeyer
I just lost my husband to cover. We were married 69 years . How do I go on. Im so lost. Nighttime is scary for me. Please help me
We are both named Sharon.
We were together 50 years. He was a special person, as anyone who knew him would tell you. We were “different” from average people. We had a very deep bond. We were always together. He was also my only friend. I never realized that he was the one who made my life worth living.
Worse yet, I blame myself for his dying because I know there were many times when I should have call the doctor, like when he stopped eating. He would still be alive if I had done so. I can’t explain why I didn’t do what I should have.
My world is all black. Plus he had no insurance and I can barely scrap by with the little I have been left. We were planning to leave this awful place I am now condemned to live in. He took my life with him. There is nothing left.
And to those people who say it gets better, well in my case it doesn’t. Each day is worse than the one before. I am as alone as a person could be. The silence is deafening.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my husband August 11th. We have been married and together over 30yrs. He is my world. I hope God takes me sooner than later so we can be together again.
I’m 💯 in the same boat. Mine passed away August 11, 2021. Not a moment goes by that he’s not in my thoughts, my heart, my skin. He’s my priority everyday as I ask to be with him wherever he is EVERY SINGLE DAY. I dread waking up everyday & often hope for a reunion sooner than later.
I feel just like you. My husband passed away November 8, 2021 and I have not been the same ever since. We were married 51 years..I am so lonely for him and all of the things we lovingly did together. I think about him every day and almost seem to be obsessed with him and our life for 51 years. We had 2 sons who are older and have families of their own so they seem happy. Also, their relationship with there dad was a wonderful one but nowhere like the bond my husband and I had. I wait every day to be called to Heaven as I can’t live on this planet for the rest of my life without him. He was the absolutely best husband and I couldn’t have loved him more. I dread waking up in the morning without him beside me. He was always my priority and me his. 😞
I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband April 7th, 2023 and everyday feels like it was yesterday. The pain and grief are horrendous. I always say that my husband took half my heart with him when he went to heaven well shortly after my husband died I found out he took more than that. He took 3/4 of my heart to heaven and now I find out only have 25% heart function. Why didn’t you just bring me with you baby?
I know how you feel I lost mine last year I can not move forward lost my brother 2 years before tag both did the same thing I absolutely broken
I feel the same. We were together 44 years. He was the caring, loving, generous man I’ve ever known. It was love at first sight. He passed away one month ago. I still have moments when I experience a primal cry or scream. The pain and sorrow is so deep. I, too, don’t know how to move on. If Gene Hackman and his wife had a suicide pact, I completely understand.
I just lost my husband of 43 years. He committed suicide after terminal prostate cancer diagnosis. It’s only be3n three months but the pain and the loss of ny best friend . I’m devastated. Life is not worth going on to me
So Sorry my husband passed of cancer he could not food down he passed Dec it hurts so much
Vicki
My husband passed last week
He also had cancer. He won the first battle with throat cancer 4 years ago, then it came back 2 years later. He had a removal of his voice box but the cancer came back again a year later. It has been a long struggle but he never gave up fighting . The last 2 months he was so weak but still doing treatment. In the end it was the treatment that caused so much harm. What we thought would be a few months needed up 2 weeks and then actually 2 days. I am keeping busy with work but how does one have anything but sadness and loneliness when he is no longer here
I feel the same feeling as you. I am so sorry for the lost of husband on December 6th 2024, 3 weeks ago. The pain I had in my heart is very painful. I miss someone who is so special to me, encouraging me to be a good mother to our children, loving me everyday, always there for me when I am in need, praying partner everyday, providing financial support, very supportive in education, and how to be successful in life. I love my husband so much that never be forgotten in my life. My husband died in a short illness, he had a heart problem that he could not manage to survive. I will meet my husband in heaven when Jesus returns. I miss darling here on earth but praying for the glorious morning to meet you. Love you darling for the rest of my life.
My lovely husband of 56 years died in June 24 I miss him so much it’s painful and I Can’t stop thinking about him and talking about him but one thing is good I have faith in God and I know he is my only link to my gorgeous husband I ask God every day to tell my husband I miss him and I love him the link to him through our Lord is is so powerful and unbreakable I am so comforted by knowing I am still connected to him through God …it’s wonderful x
I am feeling the same way. We married at 18ys. old and were married 38yrs. He was my whole world. I have depression and anxiety for more than 20 yrs. and he took carebof me and was always a phone csll away. Im just as lost as you are. All I do is sleep and cry. My adult children dont understand my pain and loneliness. I know how you feel and i wish i had answers but i dont.
Hi Sharon,
Everything you described is what I’m feeling. My husband and I were together 44 years and life without him is unbearable. We also had a very special relationship and he too was my only real friend. I know what you meant when you said that everyone tells you it will get better with time, but it gets worse each day and I miss him more and more. I don’t want to be around other people, I don’t have any interest in anything, I have no desire or motivation to go anywhere or do anything. I just want him back! I would give up everything I own to have him back! He is my whole world and I know I will not have any kind of life without him. He has been gone 11 months and all I do is cry and beg him to come get me and take me back with him! I don’t know how anyone can start a new life after being with the love of your life for many years. I don’t want a new life without him. I truly feel like half of me is gone and until I can be with him again I’ll just continue to be so sad and unhappy. I just can’t see life without him. It is so very awful. There are no words that can describe just how awful it is!
Sandy, I have exactly the same feelings. We were together for over 50 years.
I just wanted to offer my support.
I don’t want to “get over it” This is it and to me we just sit in the waiting room of sadness until we can be with them again.
He passed away a couple of weeks after falling. No underlying issues. So the shock is still raw a couple of months on. I don’t see how this is something that “gets better” nothing will change what happened.
I hope we manage this journey as best we can, keep talking to our husbands and feeling their love until one day we are together again. Take Care Sandy.
Julie, I feel the same! I feel lost. My husband passed October 2024. We were together 39 years. I know it’s only been a month, but I don’t see much of a future without him. He was my best friend. We did everything together. His passing was so unexpected 😢 and I just want him to come back. I talk to him a lot. Sometimes it calms my sadness and sometimes I just feel like I’m falling apart.
Sweetheart, I know it hurt. I have lost my husband as well. I have been with him for 36 yrs. He did not want to stop drinking I beg him to stop. I feel the Holy Spirit to me to tell him to stop. He did not want to listen Sept. 24 I found him died in the bed because he did not want to listen. He was 54 yrs. Baby it is not your fault. Our men don’t listen to what we feel that they may need. God told me to tell him. As I am texting you I am crying so hard. Sweetheart just pray. I was dying inside I felt like I could not go on, but all reality we must trust God. Life will never be the same without them. But we must keep them close to our hearts. That is the only way that we can keep ourselves alive. I know that we will see them again. That tells us that God loves them more. He didn’t want to see our husband suffer with pain. I LOVE YOU okay, just keep the faith. Guess what you feel his presence and I feel my husband as well but it is hard. We will never let them go we must be strong for ourselves. We just have to call on Jesus, because he is there for us. Please take care of yourself. I am going to say one thing. Call him in your mind. Remember the devil comes in there form it did me and I knew it wasn’t my husband. When I read my Bible God said when they die they are gone. I was in denial. I just kept seeing dark shadows it kept coming around more and more. So I stop calling his name. I talk to him but I don’t scream out his name. God is always with us believe that, please take care.
When my husband died, I died I don’t know why God still has mehere.
I totally understand. I feel the same…its is the hardest thing ever. I stay in bed alot. Guess thats how it IS. I heard a saying ” you suffer to the extent that you can’t accept what is”
Please do not blame yourself for not calling the doctor. There is no guarantee he would still be alive if you had or even that he would have lived longer if you had. I know of what I speak because I had the same thoughts. You see my husband passed away last month on January 6, 2025. He had been sick with multiple issues for several years, but I still blamed myself for not taking him to the doctor sooner this time and for letting him go to one hospital over another. Then, I googled all of his issues and the result was exactly what my sister who has been a nurse for over 40 years said. The response from google was that with all of the medical issues he would probably have passed sooner if I had taken him to the hospital sooner. This brought some comfort for me. I hope it brings you some as well. Just as you, I miss your husband terribly, so I also miss mine terrible. We had been together for over 40 years; 43 married come this July and a year of dating and being engaged so really over 44 years of togetherness.
i lost my beloved husband last year after 66 years of marriage. we met when we were 16 and 17……….i dont want to live anymore and want to die. tomorrow would have been 66 years…. i wish i would die i have children and they grieve as well but they have their lives and really dont understand the loss between a husband and wife i willnever get over this loss….he was truly my best friend,my i lost my love
i cant go on………i am 86 years old………..
Dear Jake life is a wonderful thing and your husband would want you to go on and keep his memory alive he would be upset to know how sad you are and he would want you to remember him with love now not loss as live well knowing you will be together one day ❤️ 💙
My beautiful 86 yer old friend, I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel the heaviness of your heart. He is there, always listening, just beyond the veil that we can’t see through. He is waiting for you and when it is your time you will embrace one another again. Allow your broken soul to see the beauty of what is still in this life you are living…a simple smile from a stranger, a beautiful sunny day, a child’s giggle, the memory of the good times spent with your husband. May God bring your heart ❤️ peace until you see him again….
I lost my husband on the 01/07/2024.For me it is hard times.We were married for 35 years. I do not know how to go on .In me i just want to be with him.Can you please help me .I feel lost.He is the best part of me .He taught me how to truely love some one.PLEASEHELP IT FEELS IF I AM LOOSING MY MIND.
I am so sorry Milly. My husband died 18/07/2024. We were together for 32 years. It was quick and unexpected. Mine also taught me to how to love. I too am lost. I am so so sorry. I go to sleep hoping to not wake up. I am holding you in my heart as we both feel the pain and loss.
Hi Jake I can understand your grief after such a long marriage..I lost my husband last year 2023. We where married 52 years..he was ill for awhile in hospital twice. Sadly he came home from hospital and had a bad fall from which he never recovered..he died a week later. Relatives stayed with me for 6 months. As I was so upset and traumatized
.I went back with them for 3 months to stay at their house
.
Now I am back in my own house..the transition has been so hard. I have no relatives nearby. Some of my husband’s relatives live not that far away..but they have been very distant never visited me to see how I am. So I don’t have contact now with them. My own health has been up and down since my John died I suffer with bad anxiety attacks and I have PTSD brought on by John’s passing away
I send my best wishes to you and my sincere condolences xxx
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I lost my 58 yr old husband to cancer. Im 68 and lost without him. All i do is cry and it gets worse not better
Hi Wendy, i am reading your words and i don’t know what to say as i am not really sure what words would make anything better. I lost my husband to cancer a little over 6 months ago. I am 61 and we were together over 40 years. This is tough times. Until it happens to ourselves it is difficult to even understand when someone else is working through the loss of their spouse. I call them burst. Sudden crying spells. I also know I have to save myself. The only people that understand how rough this is are the ones who understand this loss, because of their loss. We need a lifeline – someone who knows what this is. I do feel horrible at times – and at those times I reach out to my lifeline. Please join a support group. And hopefully there is a lifeline out there for you.
Hi Elly, My husband passed away 3 weeks ago after a 4 year battle with cancer. We were married 45 years, I miss him so much he was my very best friend always there for me. I don’t have close friends so the days and nights are so long and lonely. I keep telling myself I’ll be ok and the next thing I know I’m crying my eyes out. Losing my husband has been one of the most heartbreaking things that has ever happened to me. I’m praying that there might be brighter days ahead. I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this, I just love him and miss him.
Hi Wendy it is true it does not get better.I still feel if it happens today.I have never felt a los like my Saul mates .He was my first love .They say it gets better with time. But it not .For me I still feel lost .It is a part of you that you will never get back.But I hold onto GOD .Milly Breedt
If you have religious faith. This is the time to lean on your faith! It soothes and lets you feel comforted and not alone! Let God in on your pain and he will help!
How can you dictate at what point she should not be crying every day? Everyone experiences grief differently and to place your perceived expectations on her is not right
I wish I could help everyone, because that is my nature. But I am feeling the same after losing my husband of 37 1/2 years.
I can’t feel better because he’s not here. I don’t want anyone to tell me it will get better. It doesn’t. Life drags on without him and his perpetual silliness and devotion.
I have no life without him. We were almost like 2 people in one. Days are horrible; nights worse. There was no one else who even understands me. I hate where I live and there was insurance so basically I’m a poor widow.
I still get up to tell him something that I found on the Internet etc. and have to stop myself because he isn’t here.
All I can see are long, lonely years ahead. And we were just on the edge of finding another place to live when he suddenly passed. And that’s not even possible now.
Linda I am wondering if you are living in the same place you two spent your lives. It is hell for me living here because he is all over the place, if you know what I mean. Never thought I would end up in this living hell.
Has it got any better?
I have just lost my husband and feel the same as you.
He was my whole life and it is so painful without him.
My protector, carer, comforter and only friend has gone.
Lots of hugs to you Sharon
My husband is in icu very sick he is my heartbeat and my everything and I want him to live because life without him would be unbearable.he gets worse everyday maybe I am selfish because I want him to fight to live.i prey 10 times a day begging Gd to not take him I am devastated that this is happening maybe I am selfish because I want him to live. I am so insecure since he got sick
Hi Sharon, I know your post is way back. I feel exactly the same. My Husband of 43 years passed away. I’m 67 and life has no meaning, nothing matters I don’t have family and have also been left in a place I don’t like living.
Days go by but I wish it was my time.
Every day I say our love keeps us connected I’ll be with you soon.
Few friends that we shared have gone, I’m a WIDOW and people don’t know how to treat me
TALK ABOUT MY HUSBAND I FELT LIKE SAYING.
I have a rescue cat she help at times.
My thoughts are with you.
I lost my husband and best friend of 47 years August 22nd 2024. The suffering he endured before his death is paralyzing me. I too used to always tell people that it seemed like we were the same person sometimes. We were so close. I’ve never felt so sad in my entire life. I am soon to be 65 years old. He has only been gone 52 days. I had to make the decision to turn off life support. I cannot stay. I cannot breathe. I cannot do this. I am only getting more sad. There is one thing that has bought me a tiny bit of peace. My sister sent me a beautiful saying that goes like this…. You might not have got to spend the rest of your life with him but he got to spend the rest of his life with you and there is beauty in that. I’m so sorry for your loss. This devastation is beyond explanation. I can’t do it!!!
Much like what I’m going through. December 6,2023 my husband ate kfc tenders while I was at my work Xmas party but he wanted to hang with our adult kids and get some KFC . He got Salmonella, they were slow to diagnose, waited 3 days later then we demanded he go to hospital. Discovered a perforated bowel and a raging out of control Samonells bacterier. Surgery, after surgery with the promise that he’ll be back on the ward and out of icu shortly. Then he’s back on life support and undergoing another surgery. Later we were called in and told that “he is no longer compatible with life, and the life supports will be removed. He continued to fight for 8 hours, before he took his final breath. I can relate to a lot of the grief process here. Including wanting to join him. My husband passed away 30/12/23 and waiting on the coronial enquiry for closure. I love you Lenny, there will never be anyone who can replace you. Thankyou for fixing me.
I am so upset and sad because I can’t visualize my husband and the memories are non existent. I have pictures everywhere in hopes of bringing him back. I loved this man more than I can say and hate this is my reaction to his death. It was a sudden death to West Nile Virus, three days from the start he was in a coma and never regained consciousness and was dead by the twelfth day. I was not able to say a proper goodbye due to the coma despite being at Mayo everyday. I am miserable .
I understand. The days are long, I can’t wait until the day is over and I final fall asleep praying that he will come to me in my dreams. I don’t care about money, food, not even our children, absolutely nothing. Every day is a constant one. One plate, one folk, one cup, one crying, I never felt alive until he walked into a room now it’s just me. Everyone goes about their life and plans, their want for life and what it has offer. I just want yesterday back, I want his big arms around me, to hear him whisper softly in my ear “I love you”. To touch his face, hold his hand. I would give up forever for one more minute with him. I don’t belong here without him, not sure why I’m still here. There is no more laughter, no more plans. Where once there was warmth and happiness are now cold and sadness. He took my soul, my whole being when he left me here.
Ellen, I am crying as I write this. I wonder how you are today in June 2024.
My soulmate passed less than two weeks ago. We were together for 4 years. He was my best friend, my comfort blanket. We really were so connected and so in love. I used to say to him that I miss him even though he’d be sitting right at the side of me with his arm around me. Nothing prepares you for the indescribable pain in your heart when a loved one passes. I so badly want to feel his arms around me; to hear his soft voice; to reach out and hold his hand, look him in the eyes and tell him I love him so very much.
Right now everything feels pointless, life has no purpose. I don’t want to wake up another day and remember that he’s not with me; that I’ll never get to call him on impulse to tell him I love him. People say it’ll get easier but right now it doesn’t seem possible. I just love and miss him so much.
I am in the same situation Tina, my hubby, soul mate, best friend, rock and my everything passes away on the 15th June 24 in a mountaineering accident. I literally feel like I am dead on the inside. I am nothing without him. I don’t want to live anymore if I can’t live with him. I have grown up children and lots of friends and support but it’s all not enough. I can’t see anyway forward. I pray I die too every minute of every day. I can’t live without him! I don’t see anyway. So sorry this is happening to you too. We had been together 14 years nearly and married 10.5. How can we go on without them?
Tina, I just lost my wife the day before you wrote this post. I am feeling all the same things. I don’t know how to have the desire right now to try to move forward and I am stuck with he realization I don’t have my best friend, my partner, my love anymore. I don’t even know why I’m posting to you because I don’t expect anything at all except maybe someone can understand what I’m going through as well. I lost my mom just 2 months ago and my dad in April 2023. These three people were my whole world and the people that gave my life true meaning. Now I don’t even know what to do with myself or what God would have me do. I don’t know what else to say other than I understand your pain. I am with you in it.
Hi Chris:)
The day you were posting this I was in shock after loosing my husband a week before. I lost both of my parents and my husband was my only family and now he’s gone too and I’m completely alone. Every day I pray to God to take me from here and reunite me with my love. I wish it would happen already. I understand all of your guys pain, please accept a hug from me.
I lost my husband of 37 years almost 3 months ago. I feel so much of what everyone is saying. The only thing that makes my days less dismal is staying busy during the day. When I am busy concentrating on whatever I am doing it gives me a temporary break from my grief. Nights are very difficult. I tend to sit, cry and dwell on the illness, the horrible traumatizing time in the hospital and the helplessness of watching my husband slowly getting worse. Those 4 months unfortunately are overshadowing the 37 years we had together. I know I need to let those months ago and instead focus on the good times but I don’t feel I am ready for it yet. I do know when I don’t stay active during the day, I sit and watch t.v. for 16 hours straight per day and just cry and feel myself going to a very dark place. I know better but I do allow myself to sink this low at times and it feels not only unhealthy but dangerous. After 3 days of darkness, I made myself go on some errands just to get out of the house. Even though I walked around numb, empty and in a daze it was still better than watching endless hours of t.v. For me, I know what to do to help myself to cope but sometimes I just don’t follow my own advice.
My daughter passed away on 26th January 2022 unexpectedly after falling and bumping her head on edge of bath, My husband passed away on 29th March 2022 When my daughter passed my legs were wobbly and i felt weak with shock. My husband had been given six months to live due to pancreatic cancer. He had operation for bowel cancer a few months before but pancreatric was overlooked I have a son who lived with us on and off while my husband passed away at home. It has been difficult to carry on. I couldnt talk about my husband without crying and cried at night. We had been married for 40yrs and knew everything about each other, how we felt and thought. I could bear to be at the house without him at Christmas and I decided to go on a cruise for 2 weeks. We came back and it was twice as bad without him. I feel my live has ended so I know how it feels to lose a soulmate and my daughter was an understanding woman who left 2 teenagers behind. She didnt want to see a doctor and I was told she was feeling unwell since the October before she passed in January. It doesnt seem real but I am forcing myself to carry on. I have no friends. I have a sister and sister in law who I regularly chat with. My son visits every 2 weeks. My life is very bleak and lonely. I have a cat and go out and try to keep busy and I feel Ok when its sunny but depressed when its cloudy. I just live every day and it comes. I wonder how long i shall live without my husband but know I have to carry on
My husband died may 28 th. He hemorrhaged from his nose & mouth profusely like a Gusher. I ran around for a basin , the phone to call 911 , to unlock the door for the paramedics & when I was running back up the steps I yelled to him are you still bleeding & with still a strong voice he yelled back”yea”. When I got back to our bedroom he was crying that he had severe back pain & wanted to lay down. I told him not to because he could drown in his fluids but he was in extreme pain & did lay down. I was able to put the o2 on now because he stopped bleeding but he was unresponsive now. I recalled 911 but they said 5 more minutes. I said he won’t be here in 5 more minutes. As my arm was underneath his head and still unresponsive, he died in about 10 minutes. He was my best friend. We were married 37 years with our anniversary coming up in 3 months. I feel like part of me died when he died and really I’m ready to go home now too. Nothing is the same. Even when I go out to dinner or lunch with a friend or two I find no peace. Maybe I’m ok for a while with them but as soon as I go home its lonely and nothing but silence which is awful. I can’t stand the tv or radio on either. I feel that I have to wrap up all the stupid phone calls & paperwork and then get the headstone & then I’m ready to go home too. I hate it here without my wonderful husband. Life will never be the same. And I really don’t see it getting better. Weekends & holidays are extremely lonely. My friends have their own families and even if they do invite you(which is rare) you feel alone even with a crowd.
I know how you feel. My partner of 16 years died a month ago. We were joined at the hip always together. Neither of us have family or children and so I am having to deal with his death alone. I just do not want to live without him..Is it normal to feel this heartbroken ?
I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, it is normal to feel so heartbroken. I lost my husband suddenly 6 years ago. My whole world came crushing down and all I saw was darkness, no future. I spent a lot of time in my garden taking care of my plants. One day, I had a spiritual experience and I felt a connection with him. I saw numbers, repeated sets of numbers among other things. I researched into numerology to find out what this all meant. I see 1111 every day. I learnt to talk to him regularly. I had a good friend who understood and gave me emotional support these few years. You won’t get over it, you will in time learn to live with it. I know he is with me in spirit. Love continues forever, this I have personally experience and that is how I slowly heal and am still healing every day. One day at a time.
I feel your pain. I am lost in a wilderness I never knew existed. I lost my entire family in the space of 15 months and both my daughters left home shortly afterwards. The loss is immense and indescribable. I survive, I no longer live nor exist. Time is my worst enemy; there is simply too much of it and the road ahead is one I struggle to follow. I have no future nor do I want one; this was taken the day I lost my husband. This world has no point or purpose for me, I just wait until it is my time. One day, I hope to no longer have to face another morning, afternoon, evening or night.
My husband died the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend, 2022. It used to be my favorite holiday.
Mornings are the worst part of the day for me because the realization hits me hard that I have to get through another day without him, and that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. He was the love of my life, my safe place in the world, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I try to stay active and socialize as much as I can. Often I have to almost beg people to be with me, especially on weekends because all of my friends, although kind to me, have their own lives, and their own husbands with whom they spend most of their free time. What I wish more than anything is to just go to sleep at night and not wake up. I want to die, but I’m not suicidal for reasons I won’t go into. Therefore I’m trapped in a life I don’t want. I don’t see things ever getting better.
My husband died 3 weeks ago. We were together 38 years. I am so lost. I am going through all of what you mentioned. I want my time to come too. I have 3 amazing sons. They have wonderful lives and I am proud of them. I would not self harm, but I am tired and want to be with my husband. I am searching for hope that this can get better.
I understand. My husband died in April. I am destroyed. My life is literally nothing without him. There is no joy anymore. I do hope I see him again. The house is no longer a home. I’m tired of people telling me that I’ll get over it in time. That will never happen.
My husband of 37 years died of covid on May 13 2024. The mornings are the worst. I cry every day. He was my best friend , the only person who will ever love me that much and I miss him so much it is almost unbearable. My eldest son lives with me and my younger son lives with his family close by. Iam very thankful for them, but it is still so painful and I feel so alone even when I am with them because a huge part of me is missing. Sometimes I feel like I do not want to be here anymore. He left some debts and I must try to correct that situation so I am forced to try to be strong for them.
Hi j.c. i.lost my husband in may 2024. I can relate to your grief. It is awful. We where married for 52 years
I.have been suffering with anxiety since he died. My health has gone downhill I have had pneumonia ecoli and salmonella infections lately. I live alone now that has been a struggle as i.have never lived alone before..I have found some relatives and friends have not been that supportive which was quite upsetting for me. They come round with their flowers and cards once. And you don’t see orbhesrvfr them again..
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Same here rosemary. My heath has deteriorated since my husband passed away 2023 we where married since 1970. I also suffer with anxiety recently it has been quite bad. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and can be overwhelming.
Yes I found not everyone was supportive also. I get fedup with hearing certain people saying they.know how you feel. Majority of them have never experienced the death of a partner. So they don’t know how I feel.
So many of us and our grief runs so deeply with the very same feelings. It’s an unimaginable loss to even think about let alone try to get over. I don’t want to in fact. I write to my husband every day on my computer. I read and reread all of our cards and letters to each other from dating to the last one received from him over a span of 33 years. I have put them all in large notebooks by dates. He has been gone 3 months and still I sit here and read them over and over. Every night I pray I don’t wake up in the morning. I think of ending my own life. But then I think about heaven and the promise of seeing him again and I find I can’t do it. I can’t take the chance. There is a time stamped day and time when I will leave this earth just as there was one for our spouses. We could not have changed the outcome even if we could have. And yet, the guilt is within me constantly. What more should I have done, could have done? I am trying to rebuild my faith in God and started to read the bible. It does help along with going back to church which I had not done in 50 years. Praying is the only way I have found some relief from all of this pain. And the promise of being with my husband again when my time comes to leave this earth. I wish you all peace and faith and patience that God does have a plan for each of us.
I lost my spouse in Jan. It wasn’t expected, although he had a chronic illness for years. I devoted my every waking day to keeping him here and healthy. I was a nurse so I knew which physicians, hospitals were the best and we made two big moves due to that. It’s hard to explain to anyone how much you can miss someone. I went to a medium who helped a lot. You have to find the right one though. I also am changing course, on a
spiritual path more so than before. It’s so hard and I never expected it would be this difficult.
My husband died just a month ago and I feel so much of what everyone here is feeling. Unlike so many I have had 2 years of grieving him while he was still alive since he had Lewy body dementia with Parkinsonism. Every day I felt I lost him a little more. The confusion and terror from the LBD were so great and it hurt so bad to see him in that state. I was his caregiver for that time and the last 6 months were the worst. My daughters always said if I went first they felt he would have a hard time emotionally. I prayed to see this positively. I would have gladly taken it from him if I could. God showed me that I am taking this intense sorrow from him. When I remember that it helps. I would not have wanted him to go through this. Praying for everyone. We will make it through.
Oh Therese, how deeply I felt that you just described…. I have been my husbands caretaker since diagnosis of melanoma 2/22 and metastasis to his parietal and frontal lobe of his brain 10/24 and I have bumbled and stumbled along helplessly going thru this all right here with him while being so terrified of not doing my part well enough to make a difference and provide him the love and care he deserves as the day draws near that i won’t be able to bumble to his side and help him anymore. I am terrified that he will not see the love and devotion I have for my man with his happy feet and musical soul i am not okay right now. I will not be okay either. I am a terrible nurse….I don’t know how to be the nurturing and sweet caregiver that I want to be for him, and I would hate to have myself for the things he has had to depend on me for the last few months but my poor husband wouldn’t have it any other way, even if I’m on the unnaturally clumsy and awkward side of care. He deserves so much more than this creeping death that he is coming to and my soul is in such anguish knowing that he clutches at life worrying about if I will be okay when he has passed.. I cannot let him know that I won’t. That this should be me, not him. That there is no person place or thing in imagination or reality other than him and there is nothing for me after him…until I join him. There is no way to describe how difficult it is to breathe knowing I am losing him how precious he is to me or how completely I am breaking apart every moment that passes toward that moment when…. when my heart stops… when my very soul and best part of my universe leaves it. I belong with him. I am his rib. And I am soon to lose my very breath and only embrace I fit into. When I stumble he tells me I’m grace when I am unsure he nods to proceed. He knows I’m not good at being what he needs as his increase and I know he’s not so good at letting me help him sometimes either but I know one thing for sure….. this is the hardest saddest most beautiful and endearing journey I will ever break my own heart to go on in my entire existence and I know there’s nothing in life I wouldn’t try to do for him to make him comfortable feel loved and honored while I try to prepare to have to let him leave me with the peices of my heart.. I cannot see life without him in it and I cannot fathom how ill survive with no heart and soul. There’s no life for me no place for me to be without him. I’m already lost and hurting and miss him so completely that it is almost unbearable
I lost my husband last week from a stroke after 36 years together. He was my rock through 2 bouts of cancer. The cancer I have now is incurable and I just want to go too so I am thinking of stopping treatment and letting it take me sooner. I have no reason to keep going. I told him in hospital during the month it took for him to pass how much I loved him and I would always love him. I only hope that he was conscious enough to hear me. I can’t stop crying
Dearest Margo, I believe he heard you. I’m told by hospice that hearing is the last sense, so even if your husband was unresponsive, I believe he heard every word you uttered. I lost my husband on September 16th to cancer, and he has been my rock for almost 30 years. I am lost. My heart goes out to you, Margo, as I watched the battle my husband fought with cancer, and I understand your grief of losing the love of your life. Please know I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. ❤️ 💙 💜
i am so jealous that you will be with your husband soon i pray every day that will be ill and taken
Everything single thing , is to much
I lost my husband last week and I am so sad , it’s hard to describe , it’s so bad….he had a stroke about 3 months ago, spent 3 weeks in hospital and 20 days in rehab, he could never get back on his feet to walk, I brought him home on hospice and he was with me for about 8 weeks until an infection got him…he had so many problems and it was hard for me to be his caregiver but I would not trade those weeks for anything….we had time to say goodby, how much we loved each other, we cried and talked a lot about our life, he was ready to go , he kept telling me, but he was so worried about leaving me. He died in hospital but he took part of me with him….i miss him so and like most here, I see nothing but sadness ahead, but he told me please don’t worry about me and take care of yourself. He was my best friend , I don’t have family, just a few friends and like some I feel like nobody really understands or cares for that matter. I hope we all get better or at least can deal with it.
I came home from work and found my husband passed away on the couch. I didn’t tell him I loved him before I left that day and now I never will have the chance. I feel so guilty and it is eating me up inside. It is just overwhelming.
I lost my husband 3 weeks ago unexpectedly ..Always called me his Bride.. Turned over in bed ,gave me a kiss goodnight and said “I love you Bride’ then had a heart attack… 32 years together.. I feel so heavy and dark inside.. Half of me died with him.. I don’t want to go on anymore without him.. Life means nothing to me now !! All I do is cry !!! I don’t want to live anymore…