I am in the same situation Tina, my hubby, soul mate, best friend, rock and my everything passes away just recently in a mountaineering accident. I literally feel like I am dead on the inside. I am nothing without him. I don’t want to live anymore if I can’t live with him. I have grown up children and lots of friends and support but it’s all not enough. I can’t see anyway forward. I pray I die too every minute of every day. I can’t live without him! I don’t see anyway. So sorry this is happening to you too. We had been together 14 years nearly and married over 10. How can we go on without them?
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My husband died just a month ago and I feel so much of what everyone here is feeling. Unlike so many I have had 2 years of grieving him while he was still alive since he had Lewy body dementia with Parkinsonism. Every day I felt I lost him a little more. The confusion and terror from the LBD were so great and it hurt so bad to see him in that state. I was his caregiver for that time and the last 6 months were the worst. My daughters always said if I went first they felt he would have a hard time emotionally. I prayed to see this positively. I would have gladly taken it from him if I could. God showed me that I am taking this intense sorrow from him. When I remember that it helps. I would not have wanted him to go through this. Praying for everyone. We will make it through.
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Ellen, I am crying as I write this. I wonder how you are today in 2024. My soulmate passed less than two weeks ago. We were together for 4 years. He was my best friend, my comfort blanket. We really were so connected and so in love. I used to say to him that I miss him even though he’d be sitting right at the side of me with his arm around me. Nothing prepares you for the indescribable pain in your heart when a loved one passes. I so badly want to feel his arms around me; to hear his soft voice; to reach out and hold his hand, look him in the eyes and tell him I love him so very much.
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Right now everything feels pointless, life has no purpose. I don’t want to wake up another day and remember that he’s not with me; that I’ll never get to call him on impulse to tell him I love him. People say it’ll get easier but right now it doesn’t seem possible. I just love and miss him so much.
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My husband of 37 years died of covid on May 13 2024. The mornings are the worst. I cry every day. He was my best friend , the only person who will ever love me that much and I miss him so much it is almost unbearable. My eldest son lives with me and my younger son lives with his family close by. I am very thankful for them, but it is still so painful and I feel so alone even when I am with them because a huge part of me is missing. Sometimes I feel like I do not want to be here anymore. He left some debts and I must try to correct that situation so I am forced to try to be strong for them.
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I understand. My husband died in April. I am destroyed. My life is literally nothing without him. There is no joy anymore. I do hope I see him again. The house is no longer a home. I’m tired of people telling me that I’ll get over it in time. That will never happen.
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My husband and I were married 52 years when he passed quickly after being diagnosed with an aggressive, rare thyroid cancer which came as a shock. He passed in just three weeks. It’s been almost 18 months now, and I still find myself asking the same questions all of us seem to be asking ourselves. It is very hard at times. Being with family, volunteering, and making new friends has been a tremendous help but naturally, doesn’t take the grief away or the loneliness and deep sorrow that we all continue to experience. The one thing that gives me strength is realizing that all of the women in the family went through this and survived. I only understand now, how strong they really were. I just want to add that I have for years kept daily journals. After my husband passed I bought small journals at our local Dollar Store and began writing “letters” to my husband. They mostly consist of typical journal entries about our life together, small regrets, what I am doing to pass the time, challenges I’m facing, and how much I miss him. I don’t write everyday, usually when I am feeling very sad. For me it helps. I also highly recommend grief support groups which was one of the best decisions I made after his passing. If you can find a small group I believe that works much better than the larger groups.
After reading several comments I decided I would share my experience. I was married 41 years to a man I met on a blind date. 8 years ago we found out he had chronic lymphatic leukemia (CLL). He was on watch and wait for 8 years until it was time for treatment. We are both 62 and looking forward to retirement. His oncologist told us the leukemia would not kill him but something else would because he was immunocompromised. It took UTSouthwestern in Dallas Texas because of fever and he never came home. Long story short my husband passed away August 1,2024 of encephalitis caused by the West Nile virus. I was with him day and night for 2 weeks praying for some kind miracle but God had other plans. I will never forget how he looked when he took his last breath. I feel hollow inside. I feel no joy in my heart. I stopped everything I like to do. I now have a new roll of head of household. My family and friends don’t understand why I’m not falling apart and want to talk about it. I just want to crawl in a hole and be left alone. I don’t eat much, barely sleep and I just have my thoughts. What I would give to have one more kiss or one more hug. The days go by so fast as it’s been a month and a half since his passing. I am seeing a therapist who said everyone greaves differently. I’m sorry this turned out to be a long story but I really thought we would grow old together. Now my future is uncertain.