Recent Reader Comments on Dr. Neimeyer’s columns on the loss of a husband

“My wonderful husband of 55 years on August 19 died with cardiac arrest this past June. I am so heartbroken. I have many, many cards and Mass cards with so many words of love for him and me and they are most comforting. However, I am lost. My children are wonderful and for the first 3 weeks I was never alone. I am trying to get hold of myself. He would not want any of us to be suffering. I remember that moment. He gad gone down cellar to get sone canned peas. I heard a noise when I was taking the pot pies out of the oven. I looked over and his face was facedown on the hall floor and his body was down the stairs. I called for an ambulance. I was hysterical as they kept asking if he was breathing. I couldn’t get my fingers under his face to tell. The medics tried hard. I know he heard me when he was outside on the stretcher. I feel a little comfort in that. His eye opened a little. So, such a long story but I am so missing him. I cry every day but am trying to be strong and do things. I can’t see anybody. All I know is that I lost my good husband. I like reading how others are coping. I want to grieve. He deserves it.”

In reply to a comment by Linda:

“I have no life without him. We were almost like 2 people in one. Days are horrible; nights worse. There was no one else who even understands me. I hate where I live and there was insurance so basically I’m a poor widow.

I still get up to tell him something that I found on the Internet etc. and have to stop myself because he isn’t here.

All I can see are long, lonely years ahead. And we were just on the edge of finding another place to live when he suddenly passed. And that’s not even possible now.

Linda I am wondering if you are living in the same place you two spent your lives. It is hell for me living here because he is all over the place, if you know what I mean. Never thought I would end up in this living hell.”

In reply to a comment by Cher:

Hi Cher,

You’re a newcomer to this miserable life. I’m not a Be-eser but it wont get better. It may abate a bit but it’s ours to bear and the price for love. Your story is exactly mine. It brought tears as Tommy and I had a love you don’t find everyday and the way we met was divinely orchestrated. We could have eloped on our first date. Thirty one years! I’m eight years out with still the crying, meaningless existence, anxiety attacks and hatred for everything and everyone. My son recently told me he would prefer to not get involved in a relationship as he says it has “annihilated” me.

In reply to a comment by Connie:

Hi Connie,

“Your post resonated with me as I have just lost my husband to cancer, diagnosed Jan this year and he died in March. We would have been married 17 years in April and I also lost my previous husband of nearly 7 years to cancer after a lengthy battle so I too am a widow again before I’m 70. I am lucky enough to have a very caring son who visits once a week but he has his own life and family and I don’t want to be a burden. I know it’s early days but everything seems so pointless now he’s gone.”

In reply to comment by Sharon:

We are both named Sharon.

“We were together 50 years. He was a special person, as anyone who knew him would tell you. We were “different” from average people. We had a very deep bond. We were always together. He was also my only friend. I never realized that he was the one who made my life worth living.

Worse yet, I blame myself for his dying because I know there were many times when I should have call the doctor, like when he stopped eating. He would still be alive if I had done so. I can’t explain why I didn’t do what I should have.

My world is all black. Plus he had no insurance and I can barely scrap by with the little I have been left. We were planning to leave this awful place I am now condemned to live in. He took my life with him. There is nothing left.

And to those people who say it gets better, well in my case it doesn’t. Each day is worse than the one before. I am as alone as a person could be. The silence is deafening.”


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