…about Death of a Husband
Dear Dr. Neimeyer,
My husband died in November. He was in his early 40s. We were together nearly 25 years; he was my other half. We did everything together. It is so hard for me. All I do is cry. I know that’s not going to bring him back but I’m so heartbroken. It is like I’m dying inside. Each day I talk to him and I get goose bumps on my right arm and my hand gets numb. Is that a sign? Is it true that they come to you? I just wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. How can I live without him? It’s killing me.
Netta
I am profoundly sorry your husband passed away, my husband passed away Less than 2 months ago and i have the very same feelings I know now that the way i can honor and cherish him and memory of him Is to keep on living. Continue and hold him in my heart and being. We got nearly 40 years together and it was a beautiful and not at all a boring ride. I cherish every single moment of the day.
Many blessings to you.
My husband passed on the day you wrote this note. I have all the feelings of loss and heartache that anyone could have. But… I have a book I keep with me called ‘Heaven’s Splendor’ by Sister Mary Ann Fatula, an American nun who has taught theology for years and is very much an academic. At first the book goes deeply into the Trinity but then opens out into description of Heaven and how our loved ones there are in a perpetual state of bliss but fully involved in each other and waiting for us to come to them. The writings are all taken from scripture and the letters of Saints whose experiences in life taught them about the afterlife. When I was reading it I marked everything with a red pencil so that I could find the wonderful things Sr. Fatula describes. In fact, whilst reading the book much of my feeling of being tortured, alone and wanting to die resolved down into emotions that I could deal with. Also, I have a picture of my husband waving to me as the first thing I see when I open my computer. I use it as a comfort measure and often talk to him and say “I know you are a photo, but hello and how are you enjoying heaven? Do you see your parents…….? Also, at first when everything was so raw I always ran the TV series of ‘Keeping Up Appearances’ with Mrs. Bucket very low in the background to make a more cheerful feeling in the room. Also, I found that whatever I felt like doing for the day, I just did it. If I wanted to cry, I cried: If I wanted to pray, I prayed. I just went with the flow. I love and long for my man so much, but now it is with much of that gut wrenching pain that was present for months. By the way all my 5 so-called friends disappeared, and one was verbally abusive. We were a friendship group who went out to dinner together every so often and we would end up at my place for late night supper and plenty of laughs. I simply never hear from them. My John was a lovely, unusual sort of person and I know his death hit everyone hard, but surely my women friends who are all Registered Nurses, could have found some sort to courage to at least send me a short text every couple of days. I hope you can find peace again and if you read even parts of the book (it’s not a big book) you may find some of those terrible feelings softening. We are encouraged to partly live in Heaven with our loved one also, and this comes easily when you understand the afterlife in the way that Sr. Fatula explains. Nothing is her opinion; it is all taken from factual writings.
I also have cancer and im going to die I’ve been with my girlfriend for 19 years she constantly says to me I can’t live without you we have two little dogs they are like kids to us I try to say to here you need to live tina the dogs need you after I pass she says I dont want to live without you a can’t do this. So my thought is I want her to go on live her life and do lots of thing that you know I like to do and maybe do it for me and try to enjoy your life like you know I would want you to and he we would if I were still alive and with you . Just carry on and do all the things I wish we still had time to do together . Just remember how much I would have enjoyed doing things and you can do them for me in my memory. And love our dogs and make sure you always treat them with all the love I would give them. Sorry this was long but I wanted you to know that when your going to pass and you love your wife or girlfriend in my case what makes it easier for the one passing is just knowing you will be ok and you will live and do all the nice things that we would have done together and be happy for both of us that help the person that is passing go more comfortable knowing you will be ok . Hope this helps you
Sharon, I am so saddened by your story. It breaks my heart. I too am very close to my wife and the same with my wife to me. We do everything together. There were a couple of times in our marriage that I was going to lose her. The time I rushed he to the ER to find out that she had blood clots in and on the outside of her lungs. She was in the 1% chance that lived. A couple of years ago they found a mass in her colon they had to remove part of her colon. It was me getting ready again to make arrangements. But God spared me from having to do that. I know my story so far has a happy continuation. My heart goes out for you, it saddens me greatly. I pray that God touches your heart, that he lightens your heart. I don’t say that to be in a harsh way. Please forgive me if it sounded that way. I’ll leave my info if I can be a sounding board if you need to chat to someone…. May God’s love touch you that it lifts the pain…
My husband died Feb 11, 3025. He died a little 2 months after being diagnosed with bile duct cancer. It has been almost 10 months now. I just feel so empty and feel nothing still. I know he is gone cause I still cry at stupid love songs. But my brain thinks he is in one long hunting trip. I wish I could have 5 minutes to talk to him. Once he got diagnosed he shut down. He talk to me about nothing not even his final wishes. I did not do any service. He wanted none. He is cremated but his ages sit at my daughter’s house. I was married the 37 years. We knew each other 3 weeks before we got married. He was my rock and best friend. When I often forgot something he would find it. The world keeps going. I hear about their significant other but mine is gone. I do t know why I am still here. Is this how the rest of my life is supposed to be.
I lost my husband if 54 years on June 22,2025. Our home that used to bring me comfort and joy is now a place of emptiness and sorrow. I’ve gone to grieve meeting and they makes me feel worse. i’m so tired of hearing all the cliche’s. He’s not in a better place, this too shall pass. on and on. It’s all bullshit! I miss my man, the hugs the companionship all of it!
My husband died on August 8, 2025 after a short illness. We were married for 47 wonderful years. It was the saddest and hardest day of my life, or so I thought. It’s been almost 3 months since his passing and I’m in so much pain and grief. My husband was my best friend, he was loyal, positive and had a great sense of humor. We would laugh everyday, he would kiss me and call me beautiful all the time. I do have a great support system, two daughters, grandchildren, sisters and many friends which helps but I can’t think of the future without him so I’m just trying to live one day at a time. I miss my honey dearly and his love, hugs and kisses. May he rest in peace. Love you my dear.
I knew my husband for 38 years. I was older than him so we did not marry the first time we fell in love. I said no to his proposal. He needed to move on and have a family. He finally did and had a son. His wife was a cheater several times over. They divorced. He was the love of my life and I was his. 25 years later we married. I only had him for a short 10 years. He passed away. I feel I died that day. It has only been a couple months. I grieve everyday. I have hope and faith and thank Our Dear Lord for every minute we shared. Someday we will be together in Heaven adoring Jesus
It is more than seven and a half years ago that my husband David died. I have been crying nearly all day and nearly all night for him. You nearly all talk about hoping in God. God watched the only one who ever loved me starve to death in agony with Cancer. How can you all believe that a monster who watched our loved ones die the way that they did will let us be with them again. I just want to die. I have absolutely nothing to live for except that the ‘God of Love’ will send me to Hell if l commit suicide. We are not loved, we are just slaves. Will someone please comment.
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