Six months ago my partner of 47 years died suddenly. We have no children and have always been very close and spent a lot of time together. This would have been our first real year of retirement together and we were looking forward to growing old together, just enjoying our free time and everyday things. Now he’s gone I can find absolutely no meaning in life. Everyday I wake feeling panicky and dreading the day ahead. Throughout the day I’m hurt and upset over and over again at the thought of how he died, suddenly and at what we’ve both lost.
I’m not lonely but completely alone- I don’t want lots of people around , I just want him and the companionship we always had. Sharing news, a joke, gossip, a meal .
I try to keep busy during the day but there’s so little to do and the evenings are unbearable, by about 8.30 I can’t stand it any longer and go to bed. Then the next day I get up and have to do it all over again. What is the point?
People keep telling me “I’ll feel better in time,” but I’ve spoken to bereaved friends and neighbors, and most of them don’t feel better. One friend said 4 years after losing her husband she feels worse than ever. At 65 the prospect of years of this is unbearable, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Help please! Yvonne
As you can well imagine, no simple advice can assuage the pain of losing a life partner who had become a soul mate, especially in circumstances like yours where no children or grandchildren exist to share your grief, and potentially provide supportive lifelines to re-connect with life in the ways that remain possible. Just as you imply, the loneliness you feel in the wake of this unique loss is not simply a social loneliness that calls for “staying busy,” helpful though that may sometimes be, but rather is a form of emotional loneliness that reaches much deeper into our hearts and souls, from which we are not easily distracted. The “panic” that you feel is also very real, stemming from a kind of separation distress that nearly all bereaved persons feel when they lose someone who was their “secure base” in the world, the person to whom they would naturally turn for consolation, comfort and care.
For advice about grieving during the holidays, click this link:https://blog.aftertalk.com/?s=holiday+grieving
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1 thought on “After sudden death of a husband; finding meaning in life”
My beautiful son passed away 2 years ago at 27 of an accidental overdose . I threw myself into a legacy project to keep from falling apart . My husband had a hard time dealing with my public display and obsession with keeping our son’s memory alive .
We had spent the 6 years prior dealing with the hell of addiction. Both of us dealing with not only his death but the trauma of his last chaotic years.
My husband found solace from pain by reuniting with a past affair. Although that is over and he is filled with regret, it is hard for me to forgive .
I love him very deeply. We have been through so much and i just want us to find joy and peace again .