Author Archives: Dr. Robert Neimeyer

Complicated Grief: A therapist asks about the loss of a daughter

Dear Dr. Neimeyer, I have been working intermittently for many years with a woman named Pam who was divorced when her adult children were adolescents, as a result of the father’s unpredictable and violent behavior and alcoholism. Likewise, two of her four children have had long histories of drug and alcohol use, despite her funding

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On the Pandemic: Ask Dr. Neimeyer 4.20.20

Dear Dr. Neimeyer, I am sure that I am not alone in saying that the COVID-19 crisis has rocked my world, and I really don’t know which way to turn.  Of course, like everyone else I am following the advice of medical authorities regarding hand washing, social distancing, curtailing unnecessary travel, and the rest.  But

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Holiday Grieving

Editor’s Note: many approaching the holidays of Easter and Passover with a loss recently behind them, and their grief overlaid with the despair of these times of pandemic. We thought this Dr. Neimeyer column might be helpful–LL Dear Dr. Neimeyer– My husband died just over a year ago, so now begins my second year without

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Tragic Death of a Loved One–finding meaning – copy

Dear Dr. Neimeyer, I have read and heard you speak about the need to revisit and retell the story of the tragic death of a loved one in order to find meaning in the event.  What stands out in your comments is obvious, but should be underlined, in my view:   the profound Truth about the need

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The Pandemic and Grieving and the Events in Paris 2015

Editor: On November 13, 2015 the world was shocked by a series of terrorist attacks in Paris. We felt that Dr. Neimeyer’s words in response to that were relevant to what all Americans, in fact the entire world, is experiencing right now.  Be safe. Be Healthy LB & LL Dear Dr. Niemeyer, I feel I

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Complicated and consuming grief of a friend

Dear Dr. Neimeyer I have read and appreciate your work about meaning reconstruction in loss. I have a friend whose grief is so complicated and consuming that she can’t find life for herself (her husband died from cancer about six years ago) and she can’t seem to move forward at all. Here is an excerpt

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Anticipatory Grieving: mourning the living

Dear Dr. Neimeyer, Your recent reply to the woman widowed over 25 years ago resonated with me, even though my husband is still alive.  I am a member of the Well Spouse Association, a national nonprofit organization which provides peer support to those caring for chronically ill or disabled spouses. “Chronic sorrow”…”bleaching out of emotions”…”surviving but not thriving”… “sense of not fitting

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Anticipatory Grief: my daughter’s fate

Dear Dr. Neimeyer, If you have been experiencing anticipatory grief for a loved one, once they die do you still experience normal grief? Or is it all combined within the anticipatory? I have a daughter who is a medical guinea pig, and as far as we can tell she is the oldest surviving person in

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A Daughter asks about Grief & Depression

Editor’s note:  this is a re-publication of a question to Dr. Neimeyer from longtime AfterTalk columnist Caitlin Dorman. Dear Dr. Neimeyer, I assumed I would always know what my dad would say if he were here today. We were best friends, and he was very, very outspoken. Without blinking, I feel in sync with his

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